5 Reasons You Are Your Child’s Best College Application Essay Brainstorming Partner

Last Tuesday morning, after my five-year-old daughter had finished getting ready for school, she found herself with ten minutes to spare before our scheduled 8:00 a.m. departure. She grabbed a book, sat down on the couch, and began flipping through the pages to look at the pictures. “You can read this, you know,” I told her. She turned to look at me. “You can read this,” I repeated. I walked over, sat down next to her, and turned to the first page. She began sounding out the words. When she had gotten through a few pages, I stopped her, looked into her eyes, and told her, “You can do it. Remember that.”

That’s the same message I would tell every parent who wants to help her high school child get started on college application essays: “You can do it. Remember that.” Trust me, I’ve heard all the excuses from parents:

“My child isn’t a good writer.”

“I’m not a great writer.”

“I don’t know what colleges are looking for.”

“Applying to college is so different now.”

“I think we need to hire an expert.”

I don’t buy it. No one is asking you to orchestrate your child’s writing of the next great American novel. We’re talking about a mere 500-650 words about your child’s life. Whenever a parent starts telling me why she can’t help her child brainstorm essay topics, I always run through my list of advantages parents have over teachers, tutors, and yes, even college counselors like me. Let me try to convince you.

Reason #1: You know your child’s strengths.

What are your child’s strengths? I have yet to meet a parent who can’t answer this question. You know what your child is good at. You know the moments that have left you thinking to yourself, “You know, he’ll turn out just fine.” These moments are great possible essay topics because they help colleges catch a glimpse of the same great kid you’ve seen all these years.

Reason #2: You know your child’s struggles.

“Isn’t talking about struggles too negative?” a parent once asked me. This mom was worried that talking about struggles didn’t serve the purpose of showing colleges how great her daughter was. Yet deeper struggles not only make for better stories, but also show colleges how your child’s character was formed. Challenging moments can be great essay topics because of their potential to reveal your child’s adaptability and maturity.

Reason #3: You remember everything.

When it comes to knowledge of child-related trivia, parents are the champs (except, perhaps for grandparents). I’ve worked with many parents who earnestly ask me if a dance recital from fourth grade or a speech given in seventh grade -- antique epochs which generally do not concern colleges -- might be relevant. To which I gently answer, “No.” That said, if you can turn your fantastic power of memory toward your child’s high school happenings, you’re almost guaranteed to turn up interesting material your child has forgotten. Don’t be surprised if your child rejects 90% of your suggestions as too trivial to write about. But the 10% -- that’s what brainstorming is all about: leaving no potential topic unexplored.

Reason #4: You are patient.

Other parents will get frustrated when they discover that a 15-minute conversation with their high school senior has not produced an essay topic that stirs readers’ souls. You’re different, though. You know that discovering a topic is less like browsing a pie crust recipe online and more like experimenting with and modifying that pie crust recipe until the result is just right. In other words, it takes patience and probably at least seven attempts. Since you know brainstorming will consist of a series of conversations -- not just a single conversation -- you’ll have plenty of patience to spare. When these conversations take their inevitable twists and turns, you’ll take a deep breath and keep asking questions to help your child uncover his topic.

Reason #5: You have a good sense of timing.

When you see someone every day, you can decipher that person’s facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice in an instant. If my son stumbles out of bed with watery eyes, I know he hasn’t slept well and that we’re all in for a long day. This type of analysis is second-nature to parents, and it’s critical to figuring out when to cajole and when to relent. That’s especially true when it comes to discussing the unpleasant task of brainstorming an application essay topic. If you do a little thinking about when you want to broach the subject, you’ll find the conversation goes more smoothly. Give your child some advance notice, and pick a time when he’s likely to be relaxed and well-rested.

“You can do it. Remember that.”

Really, you can do it. I believe it. I did manage to omit an important detail, though. When my daughter began reading the words on our third page together, she paused to ask me, “Can I be done now?” I know this question is lurking in every parent’s mind, too. Sure, you’ll have these brainstorming conversations with your kid, but you’re wondering, “Can I be done now?”

My answer is, “Almost.” I can’t make the inherently un-fun process of brainstorming essay topics fun any more than I can make you enjoy the gritty feeling of sand in your teeth. But as with so many other things in life, you don’t have to enjoy it to be effective. When your child tells you, “I don’t know what to write,” take a deep breath, and remember the five reasons why you’re the perfect person to jump in and help.